31 March 2007

of hymns and bananas

i treasure a lot of memories from my LCC days--give or take 2,200 (or 22,000 hours) of them. it was an all-girls school, but we had boys up to grade 4. in grade 1, the boys' section was separated from us girls, and everytime a student was talkative, the teacher would send her to the boys section (and vice versa). imagine having to sit there amongst the boys--utterly humiliating. i know--i was sent there once.

LCC is a BIG school. you can get lost walking through its corridors. from the school entrance is a long walk through a shaded lane crossing the first and second gates. we had our own chapel, auditorium, audio visual room, a quadrangle that can accommodate the whole student body during flag ceremonies, 3 libraries (elementary, high school and college), 3 canteens, playground, basketball/volleyball court, music rooms, sewing room, a refectory, biology room, zoology room, chemistry labs, student dorms, nun's laundry area, another quadrangle inside the school grounds, nun's dorm, a big parking lot, home economics room, reception hall, typing room... we've managed to roam around the campus in our days but there were still a lot of doors left undiscovered.


we had mass every first fridays, at every saint's feastday, principal's birthday... in our gala uniform. confessions were held before each mass otherwise we couldn't receive communion. every section would be scheduled for confession and sometimes we would have to invent sins so we will have something to tell the father confessor. we wondered how our school priest still had the strength to say mass after hearing a multitude of sins. we had a music teacher, Ms. V, who tirelessly taught us new songs for the mass. our music room was located at the back of the auditorium. to alleviate sleepiness (our class was every 2pm), we would mimic Ms. V's mouth as she sings, exaggerate the pronunciation of the words, or sing loudly... we were shouting, actually.


when i was in 2nd year HS, my best friend L. and I discovered an enchanting area inside the campus. somewhere at the back was the janitor's area. they had their own dorms and basketball court, adjacent to the nun's laundry area. they had pigs, lots of them and during recess, we would watch them eat. trees abound--atis, starapple, guavas, bananas, chesa, sampaloc, and so with several other vegetables which the janitors plant themselves. we didn't think it was forbidden to roam around so every lunchbreak would find L. and I dawdling at what seemed to be a plantation of some sorts. we would laugh hysterically each time we found a ripe banana. one time, we discovered a "buwig" of bananas and we cut it off the tree using a small blade, then naughtily hid it and covered it with dried leaves so the janitors wouldn't see. we stashed it away and ate it as it ripened. then our eyes rested on a guava tree. another treasure! i would climb up and gather all the ripe ones, using my skirt as a basket. there was one time i was caught by a nun atop a guava tree. i almost fell. the starapple was the hardest to get, though. since we couldn't find a stick long enough to get it off the tree, we threw rocks at it and mumbled our frustration instead. other times we would bring home a schoolbagful of vegetables (sigarilyas, pechay, puso ng saging, bataw). what about our notebooks? since it was impractical to have one bag for school things and one for our loot, we decided to get ourselves a bigger bag instead. maldita talaga, hahaha!


one thing i learned from this--banana sap (dagta) stains--badly. all my uniforms had banana stains all over, and had the nuns rounded up all the students to find out who had been harvesting their bananas, L. and I would have been guilty as sin.


in 4th year high school, the rooms assigned to us were former student dormitories at the second floor. our room was big, with huge capiz windows on both sides of the walls so the breeze crossed, softly rocking us to sleep. and sleep we did. there was a wide divider at the end of the room and what the teachers didn't know was we pulled a bed from the stockroom and positioned it behind the divider. we took turns sleeping on it... during class hours. if the teacher happened to call the name of anyone of us taking a siesta, we would chorus, "ma'm nasa cr po". the comfort room was another world. since it was a dorm, we had about 5 or six cubicles all in a row. we would sometimes hear the doors open and close by themselves. it was creepy so we normally go there in two's... or three's... or four's... when the lesson gets boring, our class of 38 would be reduced to around 20... the rest would be found having their own discussion or eating in the comfort room. my last year in LCC was the most nostalgic. we spent the last half of the year practicing for our graduation--and getting ready for the world.


i always smile each time i pass by my alma mater. it molded me, strengthened my faith in God, and to this day holds some of the fondest memories of my youth.

30 March 2007

annulment 101

when you have been notified as respondent in an annulment case, the first thing you do is find a lawyer. ummn... no. let me rephrase that -- the first thing you do is cry, and then find a lawyer. that is, if you want to file counter charges so you don't come out a complete loser... or dork... in my case, it was a matter of wanting to set things straight and to be able to render facts intentionally omitted by petitioner.

"but that's just the way it is," my boss told me. "why on earth do you want to file counter charges for?" he asked.

"but it isn't all true, most of it," i said. "the facts of our marriage have been twisted and turned into his favor. and it will be documented as is if i don't say anything."

"do you have any plans of running for public office?" he continued.

"whaa...? no!" i said.

"then what the hell. as long as he is paying, let him."

it turned out that my petitioner's girlfriend wanted to get married, hence, the annulment.

pouring my heart out, i believe is a very personal matter, so finding a lawyer i can be comfortable with was a consideration. since i never imagined i would be in a civil lawsuit one day, i didn't know of any. my mom got in touch with her friend who has a brother who has a classmate whose brother-in-law is a civil lawyer. now, why didn't i just let my fingers do the walking and browsed through the yellow pages?!?

after talking with him on the phone, my lawyer asked me to go to his house in kamias, quezon city so we can discuss the details of my case. i gave him a copy of my written answer to the petition. he said he would write the petitioner's lawyer and ask for an extension because he is going abroad for some business, and could i please deposit P15,000 into his account before he leaves.

when he came back after a month, he asked me to go to his office in ortigas so i can sign the counter charge documents he has prepared for me. it was the one i had written and which he copied word for word (wrong spellings for his account). after signing the documents, he told me he was having it delivered that same day and could i please deposit another P5,000 into his account. now i am slowly beginning to feel comfortable.

a preliminary hearing was set between petitioner, me and our lawyers to appear before the prosecutor. funny thing happened... my lawyer was nowhere in sight. i attended the hearing by myself. i called him up when i got home and he told me that he was there, he just didn't find the room assigned to us.

"you got lost for two hours? why didn't you ask around?" i said.

"could you please deposit another P5,000 into my account?" he asked.

"for what?" i asked back. "to be honest, i no longer care if they write me off as a nut. i think we'll both be better off with the annulment. i no longer wish to attend hearings if only to make the process faster. i will not be needing your services anymore."

"don't you want your annulment to be based on his incompetence rather than yours?" he said.

(i could've said "or yours, maybe?") "it's just paper, really. no matter how many times they declare me psychologically incapacitated, they can't make me one. the only ones who know the story of our marriage is petitioner and me. besides, we do need justifiable grounds, don't we? one of us has to be the psycho. if it has to be me, then so be it."

that was how i came to be a certified nut.

29 March 2007

a certified nut

i never had the notion that what we had was an exemplary marriage. but i didn't think it was that bad, either. after almost two decades and a teen-aged son you'd come to a conclusion it would endure. it didn't.

now, how on earth did i become psychologically incapacitated? how the hell did the psychologist figure that out without even meeting me or talking to me? and just what does narcissistic personality with traces of antisocial personality disorder mean...? i was diagnosed to be emotionally disturbed and deprived of parental guidance during my formative years and that clinically, said disorder is continuing, incurable, grave and treatment will be impossible. hahaha! i'm really something, am i not? ooopps... not to mention happy-go-lucky, impulsive, aggressive, consistently irresponsible, lacking in empathy and remorse.

petitioner has been evaluated as a patient, responsible and generous man who has a strong sense of commitment and has a sheer determination to succeed in his choices. that he is not suffering from any psychological disorder that would affect his ability to perform his marital obligations (i.e. disassociating himself not only with his son but his entire family as well, living in with his first cousin's wife, withdrawing his ex-wife's and son's savings, leaving a load of debt for his ex-wife to pay, not being able to make decisions for his family, habitual womanizing, periodic abandonment of his family...).

but enough of that. when i finally realized that to be able to go forward, acceptance is essential. give or take 730 days of remorse is long enough. i've stopped blaming us. it takes two to make a marriage and two to undo it. if he drove me crazy, i drove him crazier. he pushed me away, i pushed even further.

forgiveness is possible, if it comes from the heart. i've asked for his forgiveness and sincerely wish him peace and happiness, whatever that may mean. he was once a part of my life and together we had a son. if only for that, i guess i will always want him to have something better.

i used to believe in the kind of marriage that lasts as long as you both shall live... of being with one man and loving him everyday... the first you see when you wake up, the last before you go to sleep. i still do. i still am...