ayel

Ayel is now one year and nine months old. she is a bubbly, cheerful little girl, curious about everything around her. each time we take her along with us, we come home exhausted after a whole afternoon of running and keeping up with her. she says "hi..." to every little boy or girl she sees, talks with sales clerks in department stores, and sings along while dancing whenever she hears music. i'm not sure what she's thinking, but my guess is, she's enjoying a happy childhood.

baby anya

she is a healthy, chubby baby girl born January 2008. we call her Anya and she is Ayel's baby sister. it sometimes surprises me that she is now almost six months old. three weeks ago, i had to laugh when i found out she recognizes each one of us and would extend her arms to the family member she wishes to go to. and just yesterday while my husband P was holding her, she cried to me (with arms extended) as i was going out the door. i smiled... little Anya wants me to take her with me. how come i hardly noticed she is learning a few tricks on her own...?

with only 14 months between them, our attention is more often focused on the growing Ayel and the new words and antics she has to amaze us with. still being a "baby" herself, she demands our full attention -- always energetic, up and about, very very curious and dangerously playful. she has discovered that climbing stairs, chairs and tables can be fun.

Anya is of a different temperament. i love watching her as she plays in her crib... quietly nibbling at her toes and fingers then sucking on her thumb till she falls asleep. other times she would play with her little pillows or raise her legs up and down, giggling to herself as her little feet hits the mattress. the only times she would cry would be for milk, a change of nappies, or a bath.

i often wake up a few minutes before little Anya does, and that's before 5 in the morning. i would quietly get up from bed, prepare her milk and wait till she stirs from her sleep. as soon as she opens her eyes, her lips would slowly break into a smile, cooing softly at the sight of her bottle.

but this morning was different. i was awakened by soft thuds coming from little Anya's crib. i glanced at the clock -- 3:05 am, and she was awake, raising her legs up and down and giggling each time they went down. i called her name softly... the thuds stopped. slowly i came towards her -- she was looking at me, smiling.

"mmmmmmaaaa....", she suddenly said.

i was about to give her the bottle but had the urge to pick her up instead.

"come, baby..." i whispered.

it was a cold rainy morning. wrapping her with a flannel blanket, we sat on the sturdy old table beside the window, listening to the sound of the rain falling on the roof.

my loot box

i was doing my usual weekend routine of tidying up when i saw my son's grade four school project hidden from behind a stack of cd's. it was my wooden "loot box" where i kept my toys.

excitedly, i placed the broom and rag aside, sat amidst the pile of dirt on the floor and positioned the box in front of me. it had been what, three? or maybe four years since i last wore a pearl bracelet. as i lifted the lid, the maroon pearl caught my eye -- it was (and still is) my favorite. latching it onto my wrist, my mind raced back to the time when these pearls made my weekends bearable.

newly single, depressed and with no place to go, i found myself wandering along tiangge stalls that looked like a pearl haven. hurrying home after buying a strand, i started working on my new-found hobby. i came up with two bracelets with still a few loose pearls leftover. i smiled with content at my creation and wore the bracelets in the days that followed.

no longer dreading weekends, i started looking forward to days off from work. when one is depressed and on the verge of hopelessness, then yes, money can buy 'happiness'... so every saturday from then on i would be found amidst the tiangge stalls to buy me a strand or two. my pearl collection grew and in different colors--maroon, gray, pearl-white, green, orange, gold, blue, metallic green, violet, peach, yellow, lavender, pink, silver... stringing those pearls into bracelets made me lose track of time, making me feel a little less alone. turning them into bracelets gave me a sense of accomplishment and something to smile about.

now, what's so special about them? what exactly is a pearl?

a pearl is a natural gem created by a living organism. when a foreign object is introduced into a mussel or oyster, the animal coats the irritant with a substance called nacre, the same material with which it builds it's shell. over time, the layers of nacre build up to form the pearl. the longer the irritant remains in the mollusc, the more layers of nacre and (usually), the better the pearl. pearls are judged and graded by their individual qualities - size, shape, lustre, matching, blemishes or lack of them. there's no 'better' or 'worse'. it simply depends on the pearl.

smiling now, it dawned on me that i used to be an oyster and over time i have made my own pearl. it's of every color imaginable -- colors that define love, pain, happiness, peace, forgiveness, hope and faith... it cannot be made into a bracelet, though, for i wear it in my heart.

suddenly, little Ayel's voice called me back. "Mami, ganda...!" (mommy, pretty...!) as she pointed to the pearls on the floor. i laughed, handed her the blue one and said, "come baby, we'll play with mami's toys..."