my loot box

i was doing my usual weekend routine of tidying up when i saw my son's grade four school project hidden from behind a stack of cd's. it was my wooden "loot box" where i kept my toys.

excitedly, i placed the broom and rag aside, sat amidst the pile of dirt on the floor and positioned the box in front of me. it had been what, three? or maybe four years since i last wore a pearl bracelet. as i lifted the lid, the maroon pearl caught my eye -- it was (and still is) my favorite. latching it onto my wrist, my mind raced back to the time when these pearls made my weekends bearable.

newly single, depressed and with no place to go, i found myself wandering along tiangge stalls that looked like a pearl haven. hurrying home after buying a strand, i started working on my new-found hobby. i came up with two bracelets with still a few loose pearls leftover. i smiled with content at my creation and wore the bracelets in the days that followed.

no longer dreading weekends, i started looking forward to days off from work. when one is depressed and on the verge of hopelessness, then yes, money can buy 'happiness'... so every saturday from then on i would be found amidst the tiangge stalls to buy me a strand or two. my pearl collection grew and in different colors--maroon, gray, pearl-white, green, orange, gold, blue, metallic green, violet, peach, yellow, lavender, pink, silver... stringing those pearls into bracelets made me lose track of time, making me feel a little less alone. turning them into bracelets gave me a sense of accomplishment and something to smile about.

now, what's so special about them? what exactly is a pearl?

a pearl is a natural gem created by a living organism. when a foreign object is introduced into a mussel or oyster, the animal coats the irritant with a substance called nacre, the same material with which it builds it's shell. over time, the layers of nacre build up to form the pearl. the longer the irritant remains in the mollusc, the more layers of nacre and (usually), the better the pearl. pearls are judged and graded by their individual qualities - size, shape, lustre, matching, blemishes or lack of them. there's no 'better' or 'worse'. it simply depends on the pearl.

smiling now, it dawned on me that i used to be an oyster and over time i have made my own pearl. it's of every color imaginable -- colors that define love, pain, happiness, peace, forgiveness, hope and faith... it cannot be made into a bracelet, though, for i wear it in my heart.

suddenly, little Ayel's voice called me back. "Mami, ganda...!" (mommy, pretty...!) as she pointed to the pearls on the floor. i laughed, handed her the blue one and said, "come baby, we'll play with mami's toys..."