for the last time

she had been lying awake. she used to be able to cry herself to sleep, but after several weeks, the best she could do was stare at nothing. pulling herself up from under the covers, she reached for her cup and walked towards the coffee maker. good old coffee maker--as wide awake as she was, keeping her company till morning. that and her cigarettes. she looked at the pack: surgeon general's warning--smoking can be hazardous to your health. "to hell with that surgeon," she muttered as she lit one. "if i wanted to die i would've jumped off a bridge."

she turned on her cd player, careful not to set the volume too high. it's 3 am, almost. sitting atop the table by the window, she crossed her legs and smelled her coffee. south border was playing.

tell me that you love me for one last time
let me be the one you need for the night
you know that it makes me feel just like dyin'
but it's just a way to ease me
when i'm crying hard

i longed for you and i
to be in love for all time
but now you seem to drift
now your love has come to an end

let me kiss and hug you for one last time
tell me this is just a dream
runnin deep in my mind
you know that i just can't stand
life without you
it's hard to face reality
believing you are gone

if only there's a way
to win you back someday
i care for you
like i never cared before
say you will stay

for the one who changed my life
for the one who made me cry
for the one who'll never die in me

still looking out the window, she wondered why nights can be so teasingly longer when you weep. she knew she cannot go on like this. it was not only stupid, it was useless. she took a deep breath and dragged herself towards the bed. "tomorrow, i will be better," she half promised-half convinced herself.

setting the player to turn off after thirty minutes, she plopped on the bed, allowing her weary thoughts to be lulled to sleep with south border's song pilgrims...