how (not) to write a book

my boss is writing a book. it all started in 2000 when he acquired their family's ancestral house somewhere in southwestern Luzon. at first he thought it would be nice to display framed pictures of his grandparents, aunts and uncles who originally occupied the house. and so the next days (weeks... months...) that followed became a series not only of research work (locating old pictures, calling relatives who might have kept a photo of this or that person) but also a mesmerizing graphic work project that included scanning and editing old photos and restructuring backgrounds and faces as well. he had a total of 7 uncles and 5 aunts -- that alone makes 12 faces, plus his grandparents and great grandparents. not to mention that we had to contend with sepia photos that were worn and torn.

after almost a year of editing faces which has already become so familiar i have begun seeing them in my dreams, the pictures were finally framed. whew...!

then he thought it would complement the framed faces if he made write ups printed on an even bigger frame. something like -- how his grandfather built the house... the materials he used... when it was built... the floor plan of the house, if there was any... family stories and anecdotes... a landslide of ideas started pouring in -- endlessly. i had one stroke of luck during this period for i was tasked to work on a thesis. HIS.

through all the years that the book's editing has been in progress, it has been taken over by several office staff who have come and gone. funny thing was, the book always manages to land back at me. vengefully. after eight whole months of working on the thesis, i found myself editing and lay-outing texts and pictures again.

the array of photos were expanding. pictures of churches, the house exterior and interiors have been included and so with the furnitures. he also thought of bringing in the ancestors from his wife's side of the family. it was beginning to turn into a grand reunion.

then another stroke of luck... he was going to the US for a reunion with college friends. wait just one moment and let me rephrase that: college-singing-group-friends. i had six to seven months to work on my new project, their song book featuring the music they sang in college. it was not an easy project. i had to download melodies and lyrics from the net. some of the songs i know, but there were a handful that i haven't even heard of before. on top of it all, the guitar chords kept changing faster than my typing speed. it was also lay-outed like a magazine so each and everytime he would think of moving songs to different pages, i get disoriented and start biting my nails for consolation.

on the day before his flight, i spent the whole day printing and collating pages. at times like these, an extra pair of arms would really come in handy. i used to look at a spider with envy seething from my eyes. with my song book safely flying across the ocean, it was time to face my nemesis. i wanted to have a final 4th draft for him to come home to.

when he came back, he thought of adding a genealogical chart of his mother's side of the family. we had been editing it for more than five years now. we already have a final copy in jpeg format. i believe that we have had the last of it since he has come up with another chart-- from his father's side this time.

looking through the contents of my computer's hard drive, i can't help but laugh at the file names i have come up with: draft, 1st draft, 2nd draft, semi-final draft, final draft, draft for printing, final copy, revised final copy, final copy edited june 2004, printed copy, first printed edition, 2nd version, A4 landscape version, A4 landscape version revised, A4 portrait size version... hardbound copy version, softbound copy version, softbound copy revised july 10... and so on and so forth...

we had test-printed a first edition copy last december 2006. since we were printing it on a regular office printer, he thought of having each page laminated to keep the ink from smudging. i then had it book-binded. the pages became thicker and heavier, and the laminate prevented the glue from sticking to the paper so i had to have it binded a second time. even then, the pages would not turn over the way an ordinary un-laminated paper would. there it was, sticking out as stiff as can be.

seeing his first printed copy gave him new ideas -- we started editing and lay-outing again. decreasing font size, enlarging pictures, enhancing pictures, adding and replacing pictures... then he said he wanted it on a landscaped format. oh, come on! he also wants to transfer pages and chapters into a different sequence.

as to my previous statement, it should more rightly (or bluntly) be: my boss has been struggling to write a book.

and me? aside from what i really do at the office (administrative and accounting work) i am still editing, layouting, scanning, typing and retyping, to date. who knows, he might get around to thinking of adding an acknowledgment page at the end of his book and put my name on it. something like:

"THE AUTHOR WISHES TO THANK CERTIFIED NUT FOR HER EFFORTS IN THE MAKING OF THIS BOOK. SHE HAD GALLANTLY TURNED IT FROM A SIMPLE PUBLISHING THING INTO A LIFETIME CAREER -- HERS."